1st Day of Kindergarten

I was watching her play outside; joyfully, without a care in the world, giggling her heart out when it first happened. Sadness began to creep slowly across my heart and a heavy sinking feeling starting to make its way to my stomach.  I have felt this pain before, but it caught me off guard this time. I thought I was prepared for this, and by round three this was going to be a breeze.

 You see, I’ve already sent two other children off to kindergarten for their first day of school, and while it was hard, I quickly found great joy in watching their love for making friends and learning that I realized everything was as it should be.

So why is this pain and hurt creeping through my spirit again? Maybe it’s because I have been a mother to a preschooler for the last decade; having a precious babe by my side for more hours than I can count (my little side-kicks, as I like to call them). Maybe, it’s because she is my last and I am grieving the goodbye to ten joyful and precious years of being a stay-at-home MOP.  Maybe, my heart is just so full of gratitude that my God would grant me three beautiful gifts to nurture, love, and mother—that my heart and (eyes) can’t hold back the love that spills out.

Yes, they are tears of love; tears of thankfulness, joy, sweet memories, and God’s grace.

I can’t promise the tears won’t continue to fall out. I will do everything in my power to hide them on the first day of school from my most excited little kindergartner.  I wouldn’t dare want to dim her light. But, if you see me linger for one last look and discreetly wipe a tear from my eye, (or have a complete melt down in my car) when I say good bye- know that my tears are full of love and joy. Tears of sheer gratitude that an all loving, grace-giving God would grant me such precious treasures to love, hold, and cherish.

“Thank you Lord Jesus for these precious little ones you entrusted in my care. They are yours, not mine, and I will trust them in your watch care all the days of their lives.  I thank you for the change of seasons, and stages of life. I will choose gratitude over sadness. I will find joy in each new season of my children’s life and praise you for the little people you are creating them to be. I will rejoice as they grow and walk in your ways. Lord you are so good and your love endures forever. . . .Thank you for the tears. They are reminders of great love.”

~Katy Roberts

8-6-16