My Pastors Wife

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be the Pastors wife? Are you a Pastors wife?  Are you in the early years of ministry, middle years, or later years?

I understand what it is like to be the wife of someone in the ministry. My husband has fulfilled the calling as a children’s minister, youth minister, and associate pastor. He is currently the Minister of Education, and has been for the past seven and half years. Altogether, we have served in the ministry full time for a little over eleven years.

From my limited years of experience, compared to others, I want to offer those of you supporting, serving, and fulfilling your call alongside your husband in ministry some encouragement.

First of all, GOD sees you. And for those incredible women in my own church (Nancy, Lea, Alysce, and Hannah) this is for you. I see and notice you. Not everyone sees what you do, because they have never walked in your shoes. I see the many hours you spend supporting your husband and trying your best to serve and help him in his ministry.  I see the many events you end up hosting,sometimes in your house, and the way you help plan, lead, help set up, and administrate behind the scenes (or in the late hours of the night after all else has settled).  I see you taking initiative to love, welcome, and offer encouragement to those around you.

I see the younger ones trying to balance serving their husband, while working hard as they finish their education strong. I see the late nights you spend trying to balance it all. I see some of you working so hard in an outside job because let’s be honest, ministry is not about the money. You give all day, you give at home, you give to your husband, you give to your kids, you give to your church. God sees that too.

I see and know that you do all of this because you are equally called by God to fulfill this role.  I also know very well that you don’t need recognition or appreciation, but I love you and want to do it anyway.

I see your kind gentle spirit. My pastor’s wife, Nancy, is such a testimony to this. There is a prayer by Mother Teresa that I think sums her spirit up.

“Let me preach You without preaching, not by words, but by my example, by the catching force, the sympathetic influence of what I do, the evident fullness of the Love my heart bears to you. Amen” ~ Mother Teresa

I would be willing to guess that many of you could say the same about your pastor’s wife.

I also see you sitting alone, or corralling kids by yourself. I see you sometimes overwhelmed and a tear slip discreetly from your cheek. I see the loneliness that can sometimes come with leadership and I so badly want to pull you in. I see your heart and I see you pulled in many directions. I also see the hurt when your husband is hurt or criticized. You are human and you take it personal. If only our skin were created thicker.

But really, what I see in you, more than all of that I see joy. I see your joy in watching lives transformed. I see your joy when you have the honor and privilege to pray for the people in your ministry. I see the joy when you have given your all and know that God did big things in hearts and lives.

I hope and pray my sweet sisters, my fellow pastors wives, that you will know how loved you are and that you are not alone. Thank you for accepting this call from God. Thank you for serving and praying for your husband and church. Thank for sharing him and being on call all the time. You encourage me and bless me and I love you.

Bitter, Better, or Butter?

A few days ago my oldest daughter came home from school upset. She had experienced a little dose of life being unfair, and her heart was frustrated, upset, and a little angry.

To be honest, my Momma Bear heart started to get angry too, and I wanted to turn my car around and make sure this situation never happened again. (It really was not even that big of a deal, but you know how a Mom’s emotional heart can sometimes react).  I took a few moments to gather my emotions, silently listened to God and prayed for an appropriate response, and he began to awaken my heart.

Life is just not fair. It throws bad things on good people. It doesn’t care who you are, at some point life can hit you like a brick with a dose of unfair reality.  It doesn’t matter if you are nine or ninety, we all experience times when we fill mistreated, forgotten, overlooked, or burned. But, thank heavens that my precious nine-year-old has the opportunity to learn and practice today how God desires for her to respond to life’s hurts. As a mom, who has had to practice life being unfair too, I had the divine appointment to teach her how to respond today and in the future when some of life’s more hurtful events might hit her.

I first asked her to tell me how often this situation has happened. Was this the first time? Much like her Mother we can magnify a molehill into a mountain, so gaining perspective is key to understanding how to move forward.

Second, I asked her to take a look at her offender. Could this person possibly have been frustrated, tired, or hurting? What if they had a really bad day and sadly took it out on the wrong person. Have we ever done that? Can we forgive them and offer grace? Can we do something to show them love and encouragement, because maybe that’s the real issue. Maybe THEY need something. Try to look at this person through the lens of love, grace, and forgiveness.

Lastly, I told her every time life is unfair we have two options. We can get bitter or better. We can stay mad, choose not to forgive, look at them with dislike, and in the end poison ourselves with resentment. Hurting ourselves, our relationship with God, and others.

OR, we can choose to get better. We can ask God to teach us through this awful, terrible, unfair moment, so this experience does not go to waste. We can learn, grow, take notes, and get better by the grace, love, and strength our God promises. We can forgive, continue to show love, and watch God work in our lives.

Gratefully, she chose to get better. I watched her perspective change and God wash the anger away. Oh how I love her! So thankful she is attentive to God!!

The following evening, we were discussing the above life lesson at dinner with the whole family, and my son half paying attention looked up from his bowl of spaghetti and said, “What? You get bitter or butter?” We laughed and explained the lesson on life again, but as I cleaned up dishes, God reminded me that really we do sometimes choose butter.

You know, the choice to not get bitter, not get better, but instead to fill our lives with something superficial to block the pain. We choose to just not deal with it. We lazily decide it’s not worth dealing with so we fill the broken emptiness with…. butter. You know, those things in life that temporarily block the pain, sweeten your taste for a fleeting moment. Maybe it’s a drink, a smoke, a snort, a pill. Maybe it’s temporary comfort in the arms of the wrong person. Maybe it’s filling your void with mindless entertainment. It could be other things too. Even good things. You might work non-stop, hunt, golf, shop, or dive head first into something with so much focus that you push the pain aside, leaving it to sit on the back shelf and rot.

The problem, is eventually that pain on the back shelf will start rot and stink. And we know when something rots, everyone around smells it too. Our sins not only hurt us, but those around us. Is there something you are dealing with that you have pushed aside and left to rot? Are you struggling with forgiveness? Do you have bitterness that has turned into resentment? Whatever life has thrown at you; I pray that you take time in prayer to let God help you. It’s not easy! I know! But it's possible with a God who gives you strength. Each day we choose; and for some of us it's a daily battle. Put on your armor and fight! Let's choose to get Better through Christ Jesus.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.  Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:6-8

In Memory of Mrs.Vera Power

A little over a decade ago, I wandered into the Student Lounge at East Texas Baptist University for a little break. I was a newly engaged college student and my upcoming new season of life was constantly on my mind. I began to read over the bulletin board, filled with papers and announcements, when a white sheet with black lettering caught my eye.

HOUSE FOR RENT

With excitement I grabbed the sheet before anyone else had the chance to steal this deal! (You know people get married a lot at ETBU)!  Married housing was an option, but not one we were very excited about. We really wanted a dog and a yard, and they didn’t allow pets.

I showed the paper to Jeremy, discussed with him if the price would fit our very small budget, and he said let’s check it out!

I don’t know what I was expecting, but the kind, gentle voice of an elderly woman on the other end of the phone surprised me. Her name was Mrs. Vera Power and she was 86 years old.

I explained that I was an ETBU college student, newly engaged, and we were looking to secure a house for when we were married and she said she wanted to meet us.

Jeremy and I nervously went to meet Mrs. Power at her house. I’m not sure why we were nervous, but as soon as we saw her our nerves flew out the window. We instantly fell in love with her. Imagine the cutest, most beautiful grey haired woman walking up to greet you with a big smile. She was lively, witty, kind, graceful and to the point. She welcomed us with a firm handshake and a heart that beamed the light of Jesus.  I’ll never forget her United States flag rhinestone pen she wore on her shirt collar.

She was warm, friendly and almost immediately began to talk about God. She loved Jesus and while she needed renters she also loved to support the university and use her rent houses as a form of ministry. 

If she only knew we would become a ministry that never left!

We rented the house for a whopping $325 a month. The Lord was so faithful because we were seriously living off of love. Not only did we receive a house for $325 a month, we received the friendship and mentor-ship of a godly lady who faithfully served her Lord. She sat down with us and talked about how a cord of two strands is easily broken, but three strands- husband, wife, and the Lord, cannot be broken. She encouraged us to never let go of our call, she praised my husband and challenged him to go after whatever God called him to do. She helped me plant flowers and gave me wisdom, love, advice, and care. She was our new precious friend. 

We lived in her little rent house behind Lowes for two years before moving. But she has remained a presence in our life ever since. We have now been married eleven years and Mrs. Power is 97 years old. Around noon today she went to be with Jesus and my heart already longs to see her again one day. I wouldn’t dare selfishly keep her here on earth one extra second. She was ready to see Jesus and her late husband who she affectionately told us about. I hugged her neck about  two weeks ago, kissed her cheek, told her we loved her and how much she meant to us. She responded with love and tears, telling me how much she loved us, even asked about our children. I told her that day I would see her again, knowing the next time I saw her would be in heaven.

She was beautiful and brave! Unselfish, loving, and kind. She was an adopted grandmother you might say, and friend I will never forget. Every Christmas we received a card from her, and I received one this past December. Knowing that is the last card breaks my heart, but also fills me with joy knowing she will spend the next Christmas celebrating with her Savior.

You never know who God is going to weave into your life forever. I never would have guessed that our landlord would have become someone we loved so dearly and claimed as family. I pray to always be kind, open, and a light for Jesus like Mrs. Power, because she knew we were more than just renters, we were her ministry.

In Memory of Mrs. Vera Power 

The Middle of the Night

It’s the middle of the night, but I’m not asleep.

I lie next to my husband who is now sound asleep. 

One sweet little girl, dreams next to my head,

And the other two babes are tucked in their beds. 

The youngest she came with a tiny bit of fear

The night can be scary when your parents aren't near.

And now she sleeps soundly and kicks with her feet,

But I savor the giggles I get to hear in her sleep.

I can hardly contain it, my heart is so full. 

I lie here amazed, completely enthralled.

God gave me so much, these loved ones so near,

I feel honored, and privileged, and blessed to be here.

My cup runneth over, with the love that I feel,

Gratitude is stretching for my God to hear. 

These treasures, these people, which you gave to me,

How beautiful, how perfect, how precious are Thee.

I love these dear ones, with all of my heart,

And the love that I have you first gave its start.

It’s not without you Lord, that I could love at all,

But you loved me first and gave me your all. 

I walk through their rooms, and kiss their sweet heads

My prayers are raised high as I tiptoe close by.

I gently caress their sweet little backs,

And thank Jesus for providing in all that I lack.

I don’t want to leave; I want to keep watching,

Their soft little chest rise up and then falling,

But I know that God will sit by them all night

And morning will rise to awaken their light

I wander back down the cool, dark hall;

Knowing that one day they’ll all be gone. 

A tear falls to my cheek, and I thank God again,

For the gift of today and the moment I’ve spent.

I crawl back into bed, with prayers of renewal,

To slow down and take time to play while their little.

I scoot near my husband and hold him real tight

So thankful and grateful for his warmth each night

I take a deep breath, and quietly pray

Our Father who Art in Heaven this day,

Thank you for lessons in the middle of the night

May we rise to shine and tell of your might.

 ~Katy Roberts, December 30, 2011(revised)

Love at the Lake

In the eleven years that my husband and I have been married we have attended three separate marriage retreats. Not because we were on the brink of divorce, but because we believe our marriage is worth the investment. This past weekend we along with 33 other couples from our church came together and spent time learning, growing, and investing in our marriages.

Every time we leave a marriage retreat we walk away grateful, encouraged, and stronger.

I hope to encourage you today to make an effort to invest in your marriage. If you want an amazing retreat check out Weekend to Remember hosted by Family Life or ask your church if they offer marriage retreats. It does not matter your age or how many years you have been married. We can always learn something new.

When we invest and build strong marriages, we invest in the family and the church. I have three children and one of the best gifts I can offer to them is to love their Daddy.  I hope you seek out a way to invest in your marriage too. For the sake of your family, the legacy you will leave, and the kingdom of God.

God can redeem and restore the broken. God can transform and reignite your marriage if you open your hearts to Him.  If you have a spouse that will not participate pray daily that God will work a miracle in them.  I can’t imagine how difficult that would be, but I know many women who can testify that after years of prayers their spouse became open to receiving help and God worked a miracle in their marriage. I am praying that for you today.

Don't Abandon Love

It’s that time of year again when pink and red start to flood every store. Valentine’s Day candy, cards, gifts, and galore deck the shelf's with reminders to express your love to one another. 

I start to think about my own husband and our early years. We met in college and one smile from across the quad could take my breath away. I thought about him often, doodled love notes in class, and dreamed of our life together. It was a fun and beautiful season of life together. I wouldn’t exchange it for anything. However, I wouldn’t want to stay in that season forever.  As you know, the longer you live together, experience life together, and grow together, centered on Christ, the deeper your love for each other grows. 

2004~~(Eleven Years Later)~~2015

I do, however, see the benefits of looking back and remembering how you fell in love.  Days when life becomes hectic, crazy, stressful, and overwhelming, it’s nice to think about and be reminded. To take a few minutes to rekindle love that can often get pushed aside.

Let’s take this a little deeper.

Revelation 2:4-5 says, “But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen, repent, and do the works you did at first.”

Sometimes in our walks with Jesus we have our salvation experience where we first meet Jesus. We fall head over heels in love with him. We commit to surrender and give our whole lives over to him. We mean well, but sadly, as soon as life starts charging us, we shrink away and forget our love.

So what can you and I do to rekindle our love for the Lord? First let’s remind ourselves of what God did for us.

Galatians 4:4 says, “God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son then an heir through God.” 

We were once slaves to sin and the law. We were in a yoke of slavery that led to death. But guess what! “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1

“For through the Spirit, by faith, we ourselves eagerly wait for the hope of righteousness. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but only faith working through love. You were running well. Who hindered you from obeying the truth?” Galatians 5:6-7

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:13-14

When I am reminded of what life was like before a Savior I am brought to my knees in gratitude. His power is made perfect in our weakness! What we could never accomplish He accomplished. He satisfied our sin debt forever. And it is with great love, honor, and joy, we have the privilege to live this life full of love for one another. Jesus died, and gave his life, on the cross. Because of that we are a new creation! Gal. 6:15! That right there rekindles my love for Jesus.  Don’t let this world lead you away from the cross.  What Jesus conquered for us let know one take away from you!!

Non-Negotiable

33 Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it. Luke 17:33 (ESV)

I love to work. I believe God designed us to work and do it to his glory. However, I am also a Mother and I have the honor and privilege to be a Mother for a very short season of life. I have decided I will "go to work" later and focus on my work as a Mother today. Being a stay at home wife and mom has become something people look down on. It has become something that sends the signal that you sit at home and do nothing. Any stay at home mom can tell you that is not true.   

I have been a working mom outside of the home where I taught at a public school. I have been a full time stay at home mom with toddlers, and I have been a mom that stayed at home and worked in and out of the home as a photographer.  All have their unique advantages and dis-advantages. What is right for you? What is right for me? I believe that's between you, Christ and your husband. Only Jesus can lead you to the answer that is right for you.

Currently, in this season of life, I believe I am suppose to stay at home. There are so many things I believe God desires from me that I cannot do while working full time away from the home or in and out of the home. But to leave a job and do something new is scary. With my husbands blessing I am taking a leap of faith. I am trusting God and excited to follow him in yet another season. I don't know what that will bring, but I know obedience to God= Life. Abundant Life. And when we walk where God tells us to walk and we keep Jesus Christ as our focus we will experience his love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Obedience to Jesus is NEVER negotiable. 

Maybe you are in a different season of life than me and are struggling with another kind of decision. Just remember, Jesus is our focus and all decisions need to be in obedience to the word of God.

Praying as you seek to obey Jesus in every area of your life.